Well it seems I was down but not out. I’m getting back up and getting ready to continue the round. I’m stubborn that way, although this is about the punches life throws one’s way rather than a boxing match or other physical altercation.
It seems that there is need for my prescription for the medications that keep me from being depressed and paranoid (although nowhere near a crisis point it really was getting difficult to focus on anything other than the (irrational) worries about negative rumours being told about me in my community) to be adjusted. I’m doing better with a small increase that was available to me on an as needed basis.
Unfortunately that means I have some additional side effects to deal with, at least for a little while. All told though, I’m once again feeling like I can make some progress.
I’ve also had the benefit of some kindness and support from friends and acquaintances, and was able to overcome my anxiety enough to ask an acquaintance for a ‘reality check’, which helped ease my mind. It’s definitely not easy to do that.
It reminds me of when I was very depressed and experience extreme paranoia and delusions, but refused to kill myself because I refused to ’let the bastards win’. I’m still stubborn about quietly ‘going away’ when I feel like there is negativity towards me. I’m a fighter, even if others don’t see it.